"Our Time"

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dear Grayson,

You turned 6 months this past weekend.  So I just wanted to tell you how much I love you already... 
I'm in love with you.  Plain & Simple.  But yet, not so plain, or simple.  The way I love you is quite complex actually. 

You have literally stolen my heart.  My thoughts used to just be filled with your daddy.  Thinking about him, what he was doing, was he thinking about me too, how good it would feel to hug him when he got home from work...
Now I still dream of that, but also ponder you every other second.  It's a sickness really.
How can I be so crazy about someone I spend almost every moment with and not be bored of them?  I don't know how you do it.  I guess it's with every little look, every new facial expression, every sweet sound, the way you give a low chuckle when you're pleased, or the way you arch your eyebrows when you're figuring something out or amused by my silliness...granting you the nickname 'Eyebrows'.  (I know, clever right?) 

I adore and look forward to our time together.  Yes, we spend a LOT of alone time together, but I'm meaning the extra special us time.

The bedtime feed...how you know when the time is coming and you watch me move around the house getting ready for bed.  Watching me so intently and getting fussy, almost calling for me, as daddy is holding you a little longer.  When you start to nurse and melt into me, eyes rolling in the back of your head, calming and drifting into sleep.  You give these precious "umm" sounds as you're getting full.  You lay so relaxed and loose on my shoulder as I carry you to bed, pursing your lips together, sighing when I lay you down in the crib.  I stand over you, watching, listening, smiling at how happy you make me...

The first morning feed...yes I'm so tired, but this is probably my favorite.  You are still so sleepy that your eyes stay closed the whole time, you gulp like I haven't fed you in days, but then once you are satisfied you stop mid-suckle and give a smile.  I melt. Every. Time.  We cuddle & feed until you are passed out again and then...you start your dream noises.  I rock and I closely listen to your whispered dream giggles and sighs.  Then you smile again.  I can't see it from where you lay on my shoulder, but I feel it in the crook of my neck...I can feel your lips part and smile, warm breath, sometimes a slight giggle.  We sway in the dark together.  Our time.   
 
You are turning into such a little man.  Always crazy and moving and seeing whats over my shoulder!  You hardly let me just squeeze and cradle you, like you're ready to hurry and grow-up.  This makes me sad.  And so, I hold onto our times, this is when I get my baby back.

I love you more than you understand,
Momma